With Kevin, it's always...

OwO

Kevin...Father's Day...eBay.

So, actually, Kevin's coming on the 23rd. Yay! Three more daaaaaaaaays!!!! \(^o^)/

Oh, and I finished the drawing. 8D

I'll post it on my new art blog later today when I take a picture of it. :3

Happy Father's Day, everyone! ^_^

I have STILL not received my package from eBay, and I am FURIOUS. DX

*sigh* My birthday is in six days... ._.

My birthday is in six days.

June 24th.

Sixteen in six days.

My boyfriend is crazy for telling me not to worry about a $200 bid. I feel like I can't let you pay for it...but I'll let you, since you told me you wanted to make me feel pampered. Mission accomplished...though I feel like a queen just being with you.

Which brings me to why I really started writing this entry.

If I have any chance of seeing Kevin...I have to get there.

Fuck.

Wish me luck.

My birthday is in TEN DAYS.

Well, haiguise.

My 16th birthday is in ten days.

Kevin will be here in nine.

I got Prismacolor markers.

Pork siopao is better than chicken siopao.

And you know what?

I...love watching Stats videos.

I do.

Night. :3

P.S. I'm starting a new blog about my artwork. Keep an eye out for it. 8D

Report Card

Hey.

I got my report card today.

4.0 GPA two years in a row.

Two more to go.

Wish me luck.

Also, to all of you who have tried to put me down, make me feel like shit, or have tried to get me to succeed only in failure (especially due to jealousy), I have one thing to say to you:

FUCK YOU.

Seriously.

Goodnight, everybody.

-Angel H(-M)

I'm not a(n) _________ anymore.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know who or what I am. At least, not anymore.

I feel like I'm between lives...much like being between jobs.

What more about jobs? I don't have one. There's really no cash flow happening here save for a birthday.

I felt so on top-- like I knew everything. Now, I know nothing. Every description that people have placed me in has been stripped away.

Beautiful? Who am I kidding.

Smart/intelligent? Losing it. I feel like my brain dies more every day.

Funny? No wit. None.

Talented? No more so than any other.

What is a compliment but a comparison of a world to a person? What if your mind changes after you've given a compliment? Do you continue to let that person think that you meant your compliment until the end of time, or do you take back the nice little things you say?

Constant reassurance is vital, though if you lie, nothing you say means anything to me anymore. I swear.

Y'know... I just...

I...

I can't even.

-A<3H

Ultimatum.

Artist?

Or engineer?

Three more months... D:

So, Kevin and I got to be with each other for a few days last week, April 1-5. Those were undoubtedly the best days of my life. Finally getting to be with the one I love, even if only temporarily, was so relieving... :3

We've been apart for almost a week now, and I must say that the first few days were extremely hard. I couldn't stop crying or moping about... I felt so lost, uncomfortable, unsafe, dead, and alone.

BUT NOW! Now I feel better. Don't ask me why. I think it's because I started drawing again.

I've been working on a new project...and you can see it finished when I'm finished on my DevArt page.

And here's the link! :D! http://bloodandfangs.deviantart.com/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That was earlier. I got off Skype with Kevin about ten-fifteen minutes ago.

Tonight, I realized...

I have no friends that want to regularly hang out with me.

And that I miss him too much.

Too much.

Everything about him...is just...wonderful.

Even the bad things.

I love you, KJM.

Like a bad yearbook comment...

Don't ever change.

WTF.

I deleted this.

Another day in February...

So, children, I'm usually not one to quit. I'm extremely tenacious (but to put it bluntly, I'm extremely stubborn), and I have a tendency to let people know.

Quite frankly, I don't plan to quit, at all. I thought about it, but that's just one of the stupidest things I could do right now. Stopping would just make things worse. Much worse.

So, world, I plan to keep on pushing. Why? It's the only thing I can do. ♥

Back in January, I went to Taylor's birthday party and contracted the stomach flu (as did the majority of the people there). I had it for a week, and since my immune system was weakened from that, I got a cold right after recovering from it. So, here I am in my third week of sickness.

Today, I went to school. Being it another shitty Tuesday, I got up feeling as though I'd just spaced out for a few seconds instead of sleeping the five hours that I did. As the day went on, things got worse: I couldn't breathe due to the sinus pressure and clogging, I had an intense headache (probably from the gas leak in 2nd period), and I could only focus on what people were saying when I didn't look at them.

The cause of the problem is undecided. My dad proposes that my immune system is weakened by my constant "intentional" deprivation of sleep. My proposal? Stress and poor nutrition (caused by not wanting to eat at all).

I can see things from his point of view: he's a sleep-nazi that likes to retire around 8, he eats whenever he can, and doesn't have any responsibilities during the weekdays other than going to work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM.

I doubt he sees my POV: I've been crying myself to sleep for the past week and a half (most of which has to due that I'm not allowed to see Kevin due to my dad's jealousy), school is killing me (both academically and socially), and his nagging on top of it all is just TOO MUCH.
(Speaking of academics, my dad's been bothering me about my report card for weeks ever since he paid my fees... Well, he got it today when he picked me up. "A"s, again. "A"s, always. This shit isn't easy, my dear friends. The class I almost didn't make it in? ART. Didn't I sign up for that class to reduce my stress level!? Anyway, the point is that while on the drive home, I felt like slamming down my report card and making it loud and clear to my father that this was the problem, that my grades were stressing me out the most. I used to love going to school. Being a freshman was a piece of cake. As soon as the teachers started hating me, I became introverted, bitter, frustrated, and enraged. The bar was raised farther than I could even reach, and as hard as I struggle, I can barely touch the cold, steel bottom with my sore fingertips. I'll be able to pull out of this year with good enough grades once again, but what about next year? What about next year when most of my math will be pre-calculus, when I have to take the graduation test and the PSAT [again] and the SAT and the ACT, when I've turned sixteen, when I finally just get so sick of it all that I break? What's worse is that these standards aren't only set by my school, my state, colleges, and somewhat on a national level, but they're being set by my own father. Everything that's ever stressed me out has something to do with him. Is it just me, or do you see a connection too?)

Anyway, I guess I'll go draw or something. I'm not tired, and I'm getting better, so why stop now?

I wish Kevin were here. I haven't talked to him since yesterday.
And hun, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for always being depressed around you and dumping all my problems on you. You're extremely supportive, and I really appreciate you. Thank you for always caring. You label yourself as a bad boyfriend, and that could never be true. ♥

If you have any comments or questions about this, just let me know. (Thanks, to whoever is reading this.)