Saturday, February 6, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Another day in February...
So, children, I'm usually not one to quit. I'm extremely tenacious (but to put it bluntly, I'm extremely stubborn), and I have a tendency to let people know.
Quite frankly, I don't plan to quit, at all. I thought about it, but that's just one of the stupidest things I could do right now. Stopping would just make things worse. Much worse.
So, world, I plan to keep on pushing. Why? It's the only thing I can do. ♥
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Back in January, I went to Taylor's birthday party and contracted the stomach flu (as did the majority of the people there). I had it for a week, and since my immune system was weakened from that, I got a cold right after recovering from it. So, here I am in my third week of sickness.
Today, I went to school. Being it another shitty Tuesday, I got up feeling as though I'd just spaced out for a few seconds instead of sleeping the five hours that I did. As the day went on, things got worse: I couldn't breathe due to the sinus pressure and clogging, I had an intense headache (probably from the gas leak in 2nd period), and I could only focus on what people were saying when I didn't look at them.
The cause of the problem is undecided. My dad proposes that my immune system is weakened by my constant "intentional" deprivation of sleep. My proposal? Stress and poor nutrition (caused by not wanting to eat at all).
I can see things from his point of view: he's a sleep-nazi that likes to retire around 8, he eats whenever he can, and doesn't have any responsibilities during the weekdays other than going to work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM.
I doubt he sees my POV: I've been crying myself to sleep for the past week and a half (most of which has to due that I'm not allowed to see Kevin due to my dad's jealousy), school is killing me (both academically and socially), and his nagging on top of it all is just TOO MUCH.
(Speaking of academics, my dad's been bothering me about my report card for weeks ever since he paid my fees... Well, he got it today when he picked me up. "A"s, again. "A"s, always. This shit isn't easy, my dear friends. The class I almost didn't make it in? ART. Didn't I sign up for that class to reduce my stress level!? Anyway, the point is that while on the drive home, I felt like slamming down my report card and making it loud and clear to my father that this was the problem, that my grades were stressing me out the most. I used to love going to school. Being a freshman was a piece of cake. As soon as the teachers started hating me, I became introverted, bitter, frustrated, and enraged. The bar was raised farther than I could even reach, and as hard as I struggle, I can barely touch the cold, steel bottom with my sore fingertips. I'll be able to pull out of this year with good enough grades once again, but what about next year? What about next year when most of my math will be pre-calculus, when I have to take the graduation test and the PSAT [again] and the SAT and the ACT, when I've turned sixteen, when I finally just get so sick of it all that I break? What's worse is that these standards aren't only set by my school, my state, colleges, and somewhat on a national level, but they're being set by my own father. Everything that's ever stressed me out has something to do with him. Is it just me, or do you see a connection too?)
Anyway, I guess I'll go draw or something. I'm not tired, and I'm getting better, so why stop now?
I wish Kevin were here. I haven't talked to him since yesterday.
And hun, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for always being depressed around you and dumping all my problems on you. You're extremely supportive, and I really appreciate you. Thank you for always caring. You label yourself as a bad boyfriend, and that could never be true. ♥
If you have any comments or questions about this, just let me know. (Thanks, to whoever is reading this.)
Today, I went to school. Being it another shitty Tuesday, I got up feeling as though I'd just spaced out for a few seconds instead of sleeping the five hours that I did. As the day went on, things got worse: I couldn't breathe due to the sinus pressure and clogging, I had an intense headache (probably from the gas leak in 2nd period), and I could only focus on what people were saying when I didn't look at them.
The cause of the problem is undecided. My dad proposes that my immune system is weakened by my constant "intentional" deprivation of sleep. My proposal? Stress and poor nutrition (caused by not wanting to eat at all).
I can see things from his point of view: he's a sleep-nazi that likes to retire around 8, he eats whenever he can, and doesn't have any responsibilities during the weekdays other than going to work from 8 AM to 4:30 PM.
I doubt he sees my POV: I've been crying myself to sleep for the past week and a half (most of which has to due that I'm not allowed to see Kevin due to my dad's jealousy), school is killing me (both academically and socially), and his nagging on top of it all is just TOO MUCH.
(Speaking of academics, my dad's been bothering me about my report card for weeks ever since he paid my fees... Well, he got it today when he picked me up. "A"s, again. "A"s, always. This shit isn't easy, my dear friends. The class I almost didn't make it in? ART. Didn't I sign up for that class to reduce my stress level!? Anyway, the point is that while on the drive home, I felt like slamming down my report card and making it loud and clear to my father that this was the problem, that my grades were stressing me out the most. I used to love going to school. Being a freshman was a piece of cake. As soon as the teachers started hating me, I became introverted, bitter, frustrated, and enraged. The bar was raised farther than I could even reach, and as hard as I struggle, I can barely touch the cold, steel bottom with my sore fingertips. I'll be able to pull out of this year with good enough grades once again, but what about next year? What about next year when most of my math will be pre-calculus, when I have to take the graduation test and the PSAT [again] and the SAT and the ACT, when I've turned sixteen, when I finally just get so sick of it all that I break? What's worse is that these standards aren't only set by my school, my state, colleges, and somewhat on a national level, but they're being set by my own father. Everything that's ever stressed me out has something to do with him. Is it just me, or do you see a connection too?)
Anyway, I guess I'll go draw or something. I'm not tired, and I'm getting better, so why stop now?
I wish Kevin were here. I haven't talked to him since yesterday.
And hun, if you're reading this, I'm sorry for always being depressed around you and dumping all my problems on you. You're extremely supportive, and I really appreciate you. Thank you for always caring. You label yourself as a bad boyfriend, and that could never be true. ♥
If you have any comments or questions about this, just let me know. (Thanks, to whoever is reading this.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)