I don't know who or what I am. At least, not anymore.
I feel like I'm between lives...much like being between jobs.
What more about jobs? I don't have one. There's really no cash flow happening here save for a birthday.
I felt so on top-- like I knew everything. Now, I know nothing. Every description that people have placed me in has been stripped away.
Beautiful? Who am I kidding.
Smart/intelligent? Losing it. I feel like my brain dies more every day.
Funny? No wit. None.
Talented? No more so than any other.
What is a compliment but a comparison of a world to a person? What if your mind changes after you've given a compliment? Do you continue to let that person think that you meant your compliment until the end of time, or do you take back the nice little things you say?
Constant reassurance is vital, though if you lie, nothing you say means anything to me anymore. I swear.
Y'know... I just...
I...
I can't even.
-A<3H
Does anyone really read these anymore?
ReplyDeleteWell, I read everything you post. Don't worry. I know being told "you're 15" sucks, but it's true. These feelings don't make you any different, I went through the same stuff, I know my friend M did too. It's hard, being a teenager, it really fucking is. Just breathe, don't take everything so seriously, and realize you're already the best in my eyes.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing better. I'm finding out that it gets better by itself, and that I just have to be patient. It happens so slowly, and my patience grows thin, though.
ReplyDelete